How to organize care for an aging parent at home

Almost no family gets organized ahead of time. They get organized after a scare. This guide is so it doesn’t catch you off guard.

1. Write down the four things that today live in just one person’s head

Every family has one person who knows everything: which medication Mom takes, at what time, when the next appointment is, the cardiologist’s name. If that person gets sick or goes on a trip, the family is flying blind. Start by getting it out of their head and into writing:

• Medications: name, dose, time and what each one is for.
• Doctors: who they are, their specialty, phone number and the date of the last visit.
• Coverage: health insurance (obra social) or private health plan (prepaga), member number, what it covers.
• Who to call if something happens, in order.

2. Split things up by task, not by good intentions

"We all help out" isn’t a plan: it’s what makes the same person end up doing everything. Split things up by task, with a name next to each one: who takes Mom to appointments, who buys the medications, who talks to the caregiver, who keeps the books. One task, one person in charge. Everyone else pitches in.

3. One single place to look

The most common mistake is having the information scattered across several WhatsApp groups. Group chats are for talking, not for keeping records. Medications, appointments and the daily notes need to live somewhere anyone in the family can check without having to ask. It can be a notebook in the kitchen, a shared spreadsheet or an app built for exactly this. What matters is that there’s only one.

4. Log the day, even when nothing happens

Two lines a day is enough: how she ate, how she slept, what her mood was like. It helps for two reasons. The first is the doctor: when they ask "since when?", having the answer changes the appointment. The second is that decline is slow and you don’t notice it from one day to the next — you notice it by comparing last month with this one.

5. If there’s a caregiver, keep track from day one

Hours and payments get written down when they happen, not from memory at the end of the month. It’s the most avoidable argument of all, and the one that breaks up the most relationships.

6. Take care of the caregiver

The person who takes charge gets worn out, and almost always feels guilty about being worn out. Being tired doesn’t make you a bad daughter or a bad son: caring for someone who raised you is one of the hardest things there is, and it’s almost always done without a manual, without shifts and without a break. Asking for help isn’t letting them down, and sharing the load isn’t abandoning them.